existandbleed | psl post

[This was not something that Adam had expected to fall into. He had a girlfriend, and so did Declan. Even if that was-- complicated, for both of them. Especially for Adam, and especially right now. In the aftermath of his anger, in the aftermath of the way Blue had looked at him when he'd tried to kiss her.

It was dark now, Adam just finishing his work shift, tension that still lingered in his shoulders and in his hands. There had been supposed to be rain, which would have made an easy excuse, a way for him to justify it to himself when he texted Declan. But instead the air just hangs humid and oppressive, something static that feels like it crackles with every breath.

He clocks out, washes his hands and his face of the grime of grease and car oil and Henrietta dust. It smells like leaves and moss, and as the basin fills, it's not his reflection he sees in the water. He lets it drain, tries not to think about it, and Adam pulls off his work shirt, trades it for a plain tee for the ride home. He should just get on his bike and head for the church, let the exercise drain away the temper and the tension and the wanting.

He knew better than to think he got to have the things he wanted. And yet the thought just makes him think of earlier, and before he can think better of it, he pulls out his phone and texts Declan. Just shy of nine is late, but not too late when there's months until next semester, and Declan's just through graduation, now. He hasn't asked what that means, yet.

if you're not busy
you wanna give me a ride home?

It's a rarity where Adam actually asks, without the convenience of an excuse. But this feels more like a trade than a favor to Adam- he wants the company. A fact that he thinks Declan is sharp enough to read in his text.

It's not like they're dating. Or at least that's what Adam's been telling himself ever since the first time he put his fingers against Adam's cheek and made his heart race. It's the excuse for why he doesn't tell anyone- because there's nothing to tell. But then, Adam's a liar too.]

[Declan doesn't often spend time alone, and especially not nights alone. It's early, just shy of nine, and summer is full in swing. That's left Aglionby's dorms half-empty, and parties half-populated. But they're still there, and they're still somewhere to go that isn't sitting alone in his dorm room. Given everything that's happened the past couple of weeks, he's less keen on getting wasted, and more interested in being surrounded by as many people as possible as often as possible. Declan's always been social, but he hasn't always feared the idea of being alone.

[It's hard to relax though, and harder still to put on a friendly façade behind a bruised face. When his phone buzzes in his pocket, he checks it too quickly. It could be anyone. It could be one of his brothers.

[But it isn't his brothers. It's Adam Parrish asking for a ride.

[Declan's halfway through a social cigarette on the back patio of whoever's party house, and so he can see that it isn't raining. It isn't terribly late. It's strange that Adam is asking for a ride with no discernable reason for needing one.

[Technically, he is busy. But he's already patting his pocket for his car keys before he responds anyway.]

Where are you tonight?

[Work, he's sure, but which?]

I'm at Boyd's.

[Most nights even Declan would get Adam reiterating something about only if it's not too much trouble, but tonight he just lets it stand.

Because tonight he feels raw and his emotions are a twisted mess, and Declan is the only one that he thinks he can stand, the only one that he wants. Everyone else he knows would probably be a fight, definitely be a fight. Especially Gansey. It would be Adam's fault, but that fact wouldn't make it any easier for either of them.

So he allows himself this. An offer in the words he's not saying, and he tells himself that there's equivalency in the trade. That it's not just greedy. Will you give me a ride? isn't the real question, anyway.

It's: do you want to stay? It's: do you want to kiss me, Declan?]

[Declan can't quite put his finger on what lingers behind those two text messages. They seem average enough on the surface, but Declan (perhaps despite the belief of some of Adam's friends) is an intuitive person. And he's gotten to know Adam Parrish more than he'd ever expected to in the last couple of months. He senses something more behind them.

[Then again, this could all be coming from his side - the fact that he wants to see Adam as desperately as Adam wants to see him. Why does that seem difficult to admit for some reason? It's easier to if he believes that Adam is asking for something more than just a ride.]

Boyd's it is.

Give me fifteen minutes.

[It only takes ten, Declan's Volvo pulling up outside of the small shop with the radio playing softly inside. If this was a girl he was picking up - someone he was intent on impressing - he might step out of the car and hold the passenger side door open for them. But this is Adam, and Declan has a feeling that he wouldn't want anyone making any sort of scene, as it were. So he waits patiently from the driver's side.]

[Adam appreciates the fact that Declan doesn't try to help him, just waits in the driver's seat while Adam very carefully pops the front wheel off and tucks his bike into the trunk, and then after carefully closing it with just enough force for it to latch securely, walks around to the passenger's side, slipping into the Volvo's interior.

Declan was earlier than Adam had anticipated, but it still left him ten minutes to fret in his own anxieties, but he somehow sliding into the Volvo has him feeling more relaxed than it feels like he's been in days. The AC cool and blissfully functional and he tucks his bag neatly between his feet as he smiles at the other boy. There's warmth and a hum of something more to it- Declan wasn't wrong about it being more than a ride.

There's a brief flutter of a touch, just Adam's slender fingers against the back of his knuckles- slight enough that it could just be an accident as he gets settled and puts on his seatbelt, but it isn't. Not quite a promise, but more than an invitation, it's a whisper of desire, of the request he couldn't say through text.]

Thank you. For the ride.

[Is what he says instead, though.]

[The brush of fingers against Declan's knuckles could be an accident, but habit of put-on confidence convinces Declan that it isn't, and that brings a tug to the corners of his lips. This blossoms into a handsome smile, and a careless shrug as he begins to pull away from Boyd's.]

No trouble. I was losing interest quickly in my previous engagement. [That is to say, he wasn't sitting in his dorm with a lack of anything better to do. He chose to leave his plans and come here to be with Adam. He wonders how Adam will take that information.]

[Adam gives Declan a complicated look at the mention of a previous engagement. That pleasure that Declan would choose spending time with him over whatever else he'd been doing- given the hour he assumed it was likely some sort of Aglionby party. But of course there was the self-deprecation, the sort that generally yielded apologies.

But tonight there's something searing in the edges of the look, and Adam smiles just a touch. He lets it touch his eyes that are more grey than Declan's.]

So does that mean you can stay?

[He swallows a little at his audacity, hides his nerves in pressing his hands into his thighs.]

[A glance to the side at Adam as he begins to drive.]

Would you like me to?

Yes.

[It's an easier response than he quite expects, the way he lets himself say it without qualifiers because he wants Declan to know that he means it. He doesn't add the part about how he'd really like to kiss him, actually, would like Declan to kiss him and- But then Adam is a greedy creature. And desire feels almost more like need. But then being around Declan has that effect on him. He'd been resisting the urge, because if they kissed then it was something he had to admit to himself that he should talk about, and choose whether he was going to.]

[Declan nods, eyes forward and staring out of the windshield now. He has one hand on the wheel, and the music turned down low.

[It's only a confirmation of what he'd already guessed, but it's one he finds he needed - or, at the very least, wanted. And the corner of his mouth turns up with just a hint of smile.]

Sure. I don't see why not.

Good.

[It could sound like a flat reply, but it isn't. It's careful, the way that he tries not to ask for more than he's given, more than he thinks he's earned, than he has the ability to offer in return. But there's still relief in the single word, in the way that his breath evens. That hum of wanting that only feels permissible with Declan, who understands the sharp sort of creature he is, the deceptions and masks, because they're both survivors.

His fingers brush against the side of Declan's leg- fabric of his expensive slacks a caress against Adam's knuckles- and he leaves his hand there. If it was someone else it would probably inspire a feeling more like jealousy, for the differences between them, that he can risk fine fabric at an Aglionby party. But with Declan it just makes him wish he was more daring. Maybe willing to risk something as blatant as a hand on his thigh, instead of just this slight touch where Adam doesn't take it away.

But for the moment, it's enough. Until Adam wont be thinking of other cars and statistics for distracted driving, and he can wrap his fingers in his tie and want him where no one else can say he can't. If Ronan doesn't want his brother, Adam will happily take him instead, pretend that it's altruism and not greed.]

[He'd say it wasn't every day his car broke down, but it was a cheap piece of shit, the cheapest he could find since he was always on a budget, and it was prone to breaking down. So of course, it would do it while he was out of state trying to work. He really needed his YouTube gig since working retail wasn't really cutting it. Wrangling enough time off for this excursion had been difficult enough and who knew if he'd have a job to go back to at this rate.

All of that aside, as he sulked around Boyd's, trying to stay out of the way and occupy his boredom at the same time, he perked up a bit when the guy who was working on his car stepped into the lobby. He was a lot younger--and more attractive--than Umber would have expected of a mechanic. Most of the guys who'd worked on his car in the past were...well, they weren't this cute. And they didn't have pretty blue eyes.

He was getting distracted though and quickly dumped those thoughts into the abyss of his brain before standing up a little straighter and addressing the guy--Adam? Was his name Adam?]

So what's the verdict? Which of my kidneys am I going to need to sell to pay for this?

[He was trying to make a joke, to keep the mood light, but he looked a little crestfallen all the same.

It was much easier to ponder things like if the guy was older or younger than Umber (who was nineteen, himself) or the pretty lines of his face that even grease and dirt and stress couldn't cover up.]

[It was a miserably hot summer day, headed into evening. It wasn't even July yet and the temperatures were flirting with triple digits. Kavinsky didn't envy anyone who had to be outside in the heat but when he drove past a familiar boy riding his bike, he almost didn't stop. He wasn't a good samaritan; he didn't owe it to anybody to be nice to them. But after a beat, he realized it was Parrish. They'd seen each other around Aglionby, of course, and whenever Kavinsky had to take the Mitsubishi into Boyd's for repairs, but they weren't what anybody would call friends.

Yet, Kavinsky stopped. He waited for Parrish to catch up, rolling down his window. Even with his sunglasses on, he squinted against the glare from the sun as he leaned an arm out the window.]

Headed home?

[It was an easy question, and he even turned down the volume on the Bulgarian rap he was listening to so he wouldn't have to shout over it. He didn't feel like raising his voice right now.

If he had to guess, Parrish had just gotten off a shift at work. Which job though, was a toss-up. It wasn't like Kavinsky knew his schedule.]

Need a lift?

[The dark lenses in his sunglasses hid the way his gaze flickered up and down Parrish's body, admiringly. It wasn't the first time Kavinsky had checked him out and it probably wouldn't be the last.]

We could go somewhere else, instead.

[Instead of Parrish's place. He wasn't actually propositioning the other boy, he was only thinking about hanging out, but he wouldn't be offended if Parrish jumped to conclusions.]

[Kavinsky was drunk. Gloriously, amazingly, drunk. There was no way he was driving home from this party but he was hardly concerned with that right now. He'd managed to score a guest of honor, one Adam Parrish who hadn't said no when Kavinsky'd asked him to come with him, told him he needed to loosen up some. Or at least, he'd eventually caved and said yes. Kavinsky might have done a little coercing to win him over.

The field was dark outside the bounds of the light from the crackling bonfire but it was anything but quiet. The music was so loud it felt like it'd climbed into his soul and everywhere he looked there were people having fun, enjoying themselves. Except, he'd lost track of Parrish and that wouldn't do. He staggered once as he made his way through the field, weaving between dancing bodies until- there. He almost walked into Parrish.

Grinning, Kavinsky curled an arm around the other boy, hand settling on the small of his back, and pressed close, most definitely invading his personal space. Leaning in, nearly cheek to cheek with Parrish so he wouldn't have to raise his voice too much, he said-]

Parrish. Come sit with me, talk.

['Sit with him' in this case, meant navigate to his car and climb into the backseat, if Parrish was up to being in an enclosed space with him (again).]

[School was out for the day and Jiang was at the library, a couple of books tucked into the crook of one arm. He'd been assigned a group project with Adam Parrish and honestly, he could think of way worse partners. At least it was for English and not World Hist. At least it was Adam and not Skov. For as much as Skov was one of Jiang's best friends, he was so frustrating to do schoolwork with. Skov would rather get high or fuck around than focus on books and there was only so much Jiang could take before his patience reached its limit.

Adam, on the other hand, was diligent. Jiang might not have spoken to him a lot before, but he knew that the other boy got good grades and applied himself in school. He didn't even care that Adam seemed kind of aloof; he'd take that over someone being a douche any day.

Making his way back to the table he'd commandeered with Adam, Jiang set down the books he'd been carrying.]

I think this is everything.

[There had been another book, if he was being honest, but it had been out of reach and he hadn't been willing to ask someone for help or find a step stool. Adam would have been able to reach it, he was sure, but Adam had a few inches on him.

He was pretty sure they could make do with what they had, anyway. How many books could they possibly need on early western religions, anyway? He sort of wished they'd gotten a more interesting topic to write about but the topics had been assigned randomly.

Jiang, tattooed and pierced and with the sort of reputation that followed all of Kavinsky's friends, might not seem like the best partner to write a paper with, but he'd been nothing but engaged and helpful so far. It wasn't just because he wanted a good grade on this, either; he didn't see much point in being a jerk to someone who hadn't been a jerk to him first.

Sitting down, he pulled out his phone to check the time.]

After we're done for today, I can drive you home.

[Prokopenko had been friends with Adam for a little while now. A few months. It felt both like no time at all had passed and like it'd been an eternity. Such was the flow of time when you were in high school. The school days crawled by but then the evenings and nights passed in a hectic blur.

Adam wasn't like the rest of the boys. He wasn't exactly one of Kavinsky's dogs but he was friends with the pack all the same. An observer probably wouldn't think their lifestyles could mesh, but there was a lot more than 'lifestyles' that Proko wanted to mesh with Adam. It wasn't as much of an innuendo as it sounded, really. Though, alright, Proko wouldn't be opposed to 'meshing' that way, too.]

hey r u hungry?
also do u like flowers?
and r u home?

[It was a weekend afternoon and there had been a point in time where texting Adam would have been impossible. If Proko and Jiang hadn't combined their considerably coercive abilities to convince Adam to let one of them get him a cell phone. Proko had never struggled with money in his life; he'd always had whatever he wanted. But he knew the same couldn't be said for a lot of people.

So as much as he'd wanted to, he hadn't gotten Adam a super expensive phone. He'd gotten him a smartphone with a touch screen but it was a cheaper model, nothing too outrageous. Point was, Adam had a phone and no one had to deal with the hassle of driving around town to find him or risking his parents anymore.]

psl post

first kisses

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I return from the grave

yells!! you are the best ghost!

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super speed tag

I just love this thread sob

Re: I just love this thread sob

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/yeets gently

idea #2 actually

idea #1

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:eyes: